Supporting a grieving loved one can be one of the most challenging yet meaningful things you can do, especially when you’re unsure of how to approach such a sensitive situation. Grief is a deeply personal experience, and everyone processes it differently. However, offering your presence, compassion, and understanding is essential in helping them through this difficult time. In this guide, we’ll offer practical tips on how to comfort and support someone going through loss, as well as advice on common mistakes to avoid.
1. Offer a Listening Ear
One of the most important things you can do for someone who is grieving is to simply listen. Grief can feel isolating, overwhelming and often the grieving person just needs to express their emotions, talk about their loved one, or share their feelings without fear of judgement.
- What to do: Let them speak at their own pace. Don’t rush them or try to offer solutions or advice unless they ask for it. Acknowledge their emotions, even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through. Sometimes, silence can be the most comforting thing.
- What to avoid: Don’t interrupt or feel the need to fill the silence with words and don’t try to offer solutions or advice unless they ask for it. Also, avoid telling them to “move on” or “get over it” – these kinds of statements can be unintentionally hurtful.
2. Offer Practical Help
Grieving can leave a person feeling emotionally and physically drained and in the midst of grief, everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. Often, they may not have the energy or focus to take care of everyday tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, or running errands. Offering concrete help can be a huge relief during this time.
- What to do: Offer specific help. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try suggesting practical tasks such as preparing a meal, picking up groceries, or helping with household chores. This removes the burden of the grieving person having to ask for help.
- What to avoid: Don’t assume they want or need help without asking. Some people may prefer to manage things on their own, so be respectful of their boundaries and preferences.
3. Be There for the Long Haul
Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and it often lingers long after the funeral service. Many people expect the grieving person to “bounce back” quickly, but the truth is that the mourning process can last for months or even years. Your support during this time is just as important as it is immediately after the loss.
- What to do: Check in regularly. A simple text, call, or visit to let them know you’re thinking of them can provide comfort. Continue to offer emotional support in the weeks, months, and even years following the loss.
- What to avoid: Avoid assuming that their grief will automatically improve over time. Grief is not linear, and people may have days when they seem to be coping well and other days when the sadness feels overwhelming. Allow space for both.
4. Respect Their Grieving Process
Everyone grieves differently. Some people may cry openly, while others may retreat into themselves. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and it’s important to respect how your loved one chooses to process their emotions.
- What to do: Be supportive without pushing them to feel or act a certain way. If they want to talk, listen; if they prefer solitude, respect that as well. Show empathy and patience as they navigate their emotions.
- What to avoid: Don’t pressure them into “getting back to normal” or “being strong.” Grieving is a messy process that doesn’t follow a set timeline, so avoid any suggestions that imply there’s a quick fix.
5. Acknowledge Their Loved One
One of the most meaningful ways you can support someone grieving is by acknowledging their loved one and the pain they’re experiencing. Many grieving people appreciate when others speak their loved one’s name or share fond memories.
- What to do: Share positive memories of the person who passed. If appropriate, ask them to share stories or talk about their loved one. This can help keep the memory alive and let them know their loved one is not forgotten.
- What to avoid: Don’t shy away from mentioning the deceased for fear of upsetting them. Often, it’s more hurtful for grieving individuals when others avoid talking about their loved one. Just be sure to approach the conversation with sensitivity.
6. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies & Self-Care
While you can’t take away the pain, you can gently encourage healthy coping mechanisms that will help the grieving person process their emotions in a safe and constructive way.
- What to do: Suggest activities that may be comforting, such as taking walks, journaling, or participating in grief support groups. If they show signs of struggling with depression or prolonged grief, gently encourage seeking professional help, such as a grief counsellor or therapist.
- What to avoid: Don’t encourage unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking or withdrawing from others. It’s important that they engage in their grief in healthy, sustainable ways.
7. Support Them in Honoring Their Loved One
Sometimes, grieving individuals may feel unsure about how to commemorate their loved one’s life. Offering suggestions on how they can honour their loved one can be comforting and empowering.
- What to do: Help them plan a memorial, whether it’s through creating a keepsake, making a donation to a cause important to the deceased, or planting a tree in their memory. Offer ideas for small, meaningful rituals that can provide closure.
- What to avoid: Don’t force them to take part in any specific ritual or memorial if they’re not ready. The grieving person should decide how and when they want to honour their loved one.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
- Telling Them How to Grieve
Grief is personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Avoid telling your grieving loved one how they should feel, think, or act. Instead, provide a listening ear and support without offering unsolicited advice. - Minimizing Their Loss
Avoid statements like “At least they lived a long life” or “They’re in a better place now.” While well-meaning, these phrases can feel dismissive of their pain. Instead, acknowledge their grief and the uniqueness of their loss. - Ignoring Their Grief
Some people may not know how to support a grieving loved one, and may inadvertently avoid the topic altogether. Ignoring their grief can make them feel isolated. It’s important to check in and offer support, even if it feels uncomfortable. - Expecting Them to “Move On” Quickly
Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Be patient with the grieving process, and understand that it may take months or even years for the person to heal.
Conclusion
Supporting a grieving loved one is a delicate balance of offering comfort, respect, and patience. While you can’t take away their pain, your compassion and presence can help them navigate this difficult time. By listening, offering practical help, respecting their grieving process, and acknowledging their loss, you provide valuable emotional support and a significant difference in their healing journey. Most importantly, be there for them in the long run, as grief doesn’t disappear overnight.
If you ever feel unsure about how to provide support, simply ask. A grieving person may not know exactly what they need, but by expressing your willingness to help and offering a safe space for them to share, you can make a profound difference in their healing journey.
At NoNoNo, we understand the complexity of grief and offer resources and services to support those who are mourning. If you or a loved one need guidance during this difficult time, please reach out to us—we are here to help.